I used to think I had to be on all the time.
Like, every second of the retreat I had to be “hosting” — making people laugh, checking in constantly, making sure everyone was vibing, feeling included, and low-key obsessing over whether they liked me.

I’d go to bed completely drained, wondering if I did enough. Was I warm enough? Was I present enough? Did I connect deeply with every single person? Did they leave with a great impression of me?

Spoiler alert: that’s not the point. And if you’re a retreat leader walking that tightrope right now — this message is for you.

The Real Magic Isn’t You — It’s the Space You Create

Now don’t get me wrong — I LOVE connecting with guests. It lights me up when I get to share a deep conversation or see someone have a breakthrough moment. But I’ve also learned something really important:

The deepest transformation on retreat often comes from connection with self and others — not the host.

And here’s the kicker: that means you don’t need to be at the center of every interaction. Retreat leaders let go of ego so their guests can step into center stage.

Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do as the retreat leader is to step back. Create the space. Set the energy. Facilitate the container. Then — give your guests room to connect, reflect, and breathe without your constant presence.

Ego Check: This Isn’t a Popularity Contest

Let’s be real. When we’re hosting retreats, there’s a little voice inside that wants to be liked. Wants to be appreciated. Wants to hear, “You’re the best host ever! I had SUCH a good time with you!”

But when we lead from that space, it becomes about us.
And your retreat? It’s not about you.
It’s about the guests. Their healing. Their growth. Their experience.

And you know what they need most sometimes?

• Time to connect with each other
• Quiet space to process
• Moments without anyone ‘leading’ the energy

Retreat leaders let go of ego so the retreat can become a container for true personal transformation.

Your need to be involved in everything can actually block the very transformation you’re working so hard to create.

What I’ve Learned from Stepping Back

Once I let go of trying to “entertain” everyone every second of the retreat, something shifted.

• Guests started forming deeper bonds with each other — ones that outlasted the retreat.
• People opened up more when I wasn’t hovering nearby trying to check in..ore them worried about what they said around me.
• They had quiet moments of self-reflection, without the pressure of performing or being “on.”
• And I had more energy to show up fully during the times I was meant to lead.

I realized: It’s not about being everywhere. It’s about being intentional where it matters.

How to Honor the Space Without Disappearing

This doesn’t mean ghosting your group and retreating to your private suite for three days straight (although, hey, some boundaries are beautiful).

It means being strategic and intuitive about when to lean in and when to step back.

Here’s how I approach it now:

• I let guests know from the beginning that this retreat is about them. I encourage them to connect with each other.
• I build in intentional free time and don’t feel guilty for not filling every minute with activities (plus this gives guests the opportunity to lean in to stillness and the fact that they don’t have to do a thing if they don’t want to).
• I set up gentle, no-pressure prompts for deeper connection — journaling questions, sharing circles, buddy activities — and let them take the lead.
• I honor downtime and solo moments. I let guests know they don’t need to “perform” in any space.

Final Thoughts: Leading with Heart, Not Ego

One of the most powerful things you can do as a retreat leader is to let go of your ego and trust the space you’ve created.

Retreat leaders let go of ego not because they’re unimportant—but because the experience isn’t about being seen, it’s about holding space.

Your presence matters — of course it does.
But your retreat isn’t about being liked. It’s about being of service.
And sometimes, being of service means stepping aside and letting the real magic happen between the guests, or within themselves.

So if you’re feeling pressure to be everything to everyone on your retreat — take a breath. Trust your container. Trust your people.

You’ve already done so much just by creating the space.
Now give them room to expand within it. 

With love (and deep breaths),
Shannon Jamail